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| Feels like I'm at deaths door. |
It's now 12:30 a.m. and I'm still away from the pain. I saw the radiation doctor today and was told I would be seeing her once a week until the end of treatment. I saw pictures of how they painted the 3D image of my knee to differential what areas and how much radiation would be given. It was kind of neat to see exactly what areas are getting zapped. I told him that I'm experiencing fatigue, swelling of the knee and increased pain from the treatment. He said that all of that was normal. I asked how the radiation helped and he explained that healthy cells have a much greater ability to regenerate compared to the proliferating cells (the bad ones). Essentially they sterilize the DNA in the unhealthy cells so they can't reproduce. I also asked why so much pain. He explained that each time I receive RT it's causing tissue damage which is an injury and it accumulates with each RT which causes swelling and pain just like surgery. It takes my body a lot of energy to repair the damage and that can be the cause for the fatigue. Since I wasn't feeling well prior to RT the fatigue and all of my other symptoms are exponentiated and it's kicking my butt. So another night of not sleeping well due to pain but I can't take more pain medication because right now it's making me feel ill. I'm putting to use every mental skill that I have in order to keep smiling through each day. I hate for Steve to see me cry but sometimes I hurt so bad the tears just run down my cheeks. He is so sweet and supportive but I feel like a bum not working...It's just not a good feeling.
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